Cemetery sleuthing comes in all shapes and forms, from finding the graves of notable individuals to searching for the grave sites of your ancestors.
For example, on my first visit to Henryetta, Oklahoma, I had no idea where to find my relatives’ graves. The well-manicured grounds of the city cemetery stretched out for 60 acres with thousands of headstones. Somewhere among the monuments were the final resting places of several members of my mother’s family.
My visit to this cemetery and several others in the midwestern United States honed my strategy on the best way to visit graveyards in my genealogical research. In this post, I’ll get you up to speed on cemetery terminology and also give several tips for finding and visiting your relatives’ headstones in cemeteries.
Cemetery Terminology
Much of cemetery terminology is derived from Latin and Greek words, so understanding the differences can sometimes be difficult!
- Cenotaph: A cenotaph is a memorial to an individual not interred in that location. It often comes in the shape of a monument; most commonly, they may be found paying tribute to soldiers who have died.
- Columbarium: A columbarium (or cinerarium) is an above-ground structure open to the public. Cremated remains are kept in the niches within the columbarium, and they often have a plaque alongside them so visitors can locate their person of interest.
- Epitaph: An epitaph is the wording or inscription placed on or into a gravestone. You may also find the epitaph on niches of a columbarium or on a crypt entrance.
- Mausoleum: A mausoleum is an above-ground structure, not typically open to the public. Within a mausoleum are large chambers known as crypts, which house the deceased.
5 Tips for Visiting Grave Sites
1. Understand the Cemetery Layout
Charts and maps of cemeteries are often available online through that cemetery’s website. Getting used to the layout of the cemetery will greatly improve how quickly you will be able to navigate to the grave you are looking for.
You may also find a chart or map at the entrance of the cemetery as well, so be sure to look around for one before beginning your search.
Organized cemeteries rely on a grid system for interments, which allows for much easier searching for individuals. This is the case for mausoleums and columbariums as well!
It is also worth bearing in mind that some cemeteries rely on geographical features and landmarks to direct visitors to the grave they are looking for.
You will often see the map of the grid system use words like "section," "row," or "plot" to keep the search as simple as possible.
2. Plan Ahead
Be sure to check the cemetery’s website for their opening and closing times. Many cemeteries are fenced and gated, so you can’t get into them outside of opening hours.
When I visited the Henryetta cemetery, I thought I had planned ahead. I knew the names and dates of my deceased ancestors and the cemeteries where their graves were located. I had found my ancestors’ headstones online. However, what I discovered on my recent trip reinforced the obvious—not all cemeteries are alike.
In Springfield, Missouri, I walked into the sexton’s office of one cemetery and gave the employees the names of three ancestors. They looked up the names on their computers, gave me a map of the cemetery, and circled the locations of the headstones. They also printed copies of my ancestors’ Missouri death certificates.
It wasn’t the same in Henryetta. By reading the cemetery’s website, I knew that I had to call the city office for cemetery information. I waited until I arrived in Henryetta to call. Big mistake—it went straight to voicemail.
A clerk called back, but she informed me that the cemetery records were not digitized. In fact, she would have to dig through some dusty old cemetery records to find out about my great-grandfather’s death in 1923. She took his name, saying she couldn’t be sure she would find him.
I was worried because I only had one day to spend in Henryetta. My husband, daughter, and I decided to go to the cemetery anyway, hoping to find the graves. As I stood looking over the thousands of headstones, I felt my quest was hopeless.
So, standing among the headstones, I decided to revisit FindAGrave.com, hoping for a clue. It didn’t list the exact location, but there was a hint about a general location. I sought out a caretaker, who helped me find my grandmother, great-grandparents, and various great-aunts and great-uncles.
As I learned, there are many helpful websites for researching cemetery records. Even if you cannot visit a cemetery personally, you can often find headstones documented online at one of these major cemetery sites:
Although these three websites have lots of cemetery records, they don’t have information on every headstone out there. Learn about more sites with free online cemetery records here.
3. Bring Helpful Items
This is what I took with me to each cemetery:
- a water-filled sprayer
- a squeegee
- a brush
- grass clippers
- bug spray
- a good pair of shoes—some cemeteries have uneven ground
What Not to Take to Clean Headstones—Shaving Cream Is a No-No
When I visited cemeteries in the Midwest, I made one gigantic mistake. A cousin had suggested I add a can of shaving cream to bring out the writing on old tombstones. So, I used it on my great-grandfather’s weathered black headstone.
Only after I returned home did I learn that using shaving cream, cleaning products, baby powder, detergents, or other materials can damage the headstones. Headstones are often carved of porous material, such as limestone, sandstone, marble, and granite. Exposed to the elements, the older stones often develop cracks, becoming fragile over the years. The use of these improper materials speeds up the headstones’ deterioration.
The clippers were handy in removing grass around the stones, and the plastic brush helped remove dirt. Metal brushes should be avoided. The National Park Service has great tips for properly cleaning headstones.
4. Take a Good Camera
Most of us rely on our phones to snap photos daily. I took my nicer camera to ensure crisp images. Taking good photos of a headstone is trickier than you might think. Bright sunlight can cast shadows that make the writing difficult to read.
You can time your visit for the day’s most favorable light, although that is often impractical. Instead, I used my camera’s flash or bounced light with a reflector. Some of the images were still too dark, but lighting can be further adjusted in photo-editing programs.
Ancestors are often buried near each other. Some genealogists recommend collecting images of neighboring headstones because they might provide valuable information for later research.
5. Maintain Cemetery Etiquette
When visiting a cemetery, be respectful of both other visitors and the deceased. Cultures around the world are different, so cemetery etiquette will differ from one place to another. Here are a few things you can do to maintain proper cemetery behavior:
- Keep your pets on a leash, and ensure you clean up after them.
- Observe how other visitors are behaving at the cemetery, and consider keeping your voice low if it might disturb others around you or go against the grieving customs of the area.
- Be careful when near old markers since many are fragile.
- Be respectful of private and public property. Taking objects as souvenirs from the cemetery site without permission may be disrespectful or even illegal.
- Follow any restrictions or best practices for tribute giving.
If you are visiting a cemetery in a different country or area from where you live, consider looking up best practices or guidelines on the cemetery’s site (if available) or do a quick online search of best practices for the area in order to respect the local culture.
Relatives in Cemeteries Tool
At FamilySearch, we have a number of helpful tools available so you can research your ancestors with ease.
These tools include our Relatives in Cemeteries Tool. The interactive map in this tool allows users to see where their relatives are buried. It can even provide a list of cemeteries and headstones that are nearest to a user’s current or preferred location.
This tool uses information from FamilySearch’s public family tree to populate data for your ancestors. If you don’t have an account with FamilySearch, FamilySearch may already have a lot of information about your relatives.
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